The little things are the big things

video version here
Do you know somebody who struggles, who struggles to do those things that “anybody can do?” Like staying organized, starting projects, remembering names, keeping track of their own calendar, or completing projects on time? I do. I have a lot of experience with people who struggle in both my personal and my professional lives.  Here’s what I’ve found.

People who struggle in their daily lives at home and at work are used to hearing “Why didn’t you?” “Why can’t you?” “You’re just lazy/stubborn!” “You’re not motivated!” “I know you’re not stupid! Anybody can do this (pick up their own room, meet deadlines, keep up with papers, turn in their homework, find a specific item in a closet)!” They are not used to hearing praise. So I’ve found that when a person who struggles does something right, the standard “thank you” doesn’t cut it.

I have found that if I take the time to praise someone who struggles when they have a little triumph, it makes a difference. Could be they’ve picked up the floor in their room, maybe it’s finally sending me the date I’ve been waiting on so I can move forward on a project, maybe it’s unloading the dishwasher with a 2 minute argument instead of a 2 hour argument.  When I take the time to notice what they’ve done right and take the time to praise them effusively, it makes a difference.

Why praise effusively? Because there’s a massive concrete roadblock in the minds of people who struggle daily. When you praise them, you have to overcome all those years of their hearing “you’re wrong,” “you’re not right,” “you’re incompetent” – but mostly – “you’re wrong,” and its subtext “there’s something wrong with you.” The only way to bust through that concrete roadblock is with extravagant, effusive praise.

What if you go crazy about their accomplishment like they’re taking their first step? You know how parents go crazy when their kids take their first steps? It’s so crazy exciting because it is a major milestone. So, guess what, if you struggle to keep your life together, to keep your life organized, to do the things that most people think are normal, when you do something seemingly “normal” like making a deadline, it is a major milestone. And, the older the person is, the bigger an occasion or an event it is, because your praise is trying to beat through that wall of you’re not good enough, there’s something wrong with you. 

Guess what happens when you praise you them effusively? You bring the focus to what they are doing right. You are saying “I noticed you, I noticed you doing this thing, and I know it’s a big deal and it’s hard for you.” 

And you start to feel differently about that person, too. Your focus shifts from what they’re doing wrong to what they’re doing right. You begin to appreciate them more.

So, if you know someone who struggles, praise the little victories. Praise them loud and long so they begin to break through that roadblock of “I can’t do anything right” and feel the win for both of you. 

The little things are the big things.

Becky
www.BeckyBerryCoach.com

Stop It Right Now!

video version here

Stop that voice in your head that says you’re not good enough. 
Stop second guessing yourself. 
Stop thinking about the things you could have done differently.
Stop thinking about things that are out in the future.
Know that you are good enough right now.
Know that you have knowledge you’ve acquired through your own experience that helps you make decisions.
Know that the past is over.
Know that you can’t predict the future.
Stay right here, in this moment, right now.
Stay here and witness what is out there for you today, in this moment.

Witness your own amazing life.

Here's a link to the video.

Becky
www.BeckyBerryCoach.com

Have trouble staying in the moment, in the here and now? Check out the articles below for some ideas.

What 15 Top Meditation Experts Most Struggled With As Beginners

7 Simple Tips To Stay In The Now

It Can't Happen If You Don't Show Up

Video version

Yep. I know. You’ve heard this before. You’ve heard it before because it’s true. If you don’t show up, it can’t happen.

As my regular readers know, it has been an interesting couple of weeks around here. New car, new car wrecked, air conditioner drama, returning to college drama. Right. That’s all taken care of. What has also happened lately is that I’ve shown up at different activities and appointments and amazing things have happened. First, I want to tell you about how I met my coaching partner and how it’s changed my life.

We met because (1) I’m a tech junky and attend technology Meetups regularly; (2) I talk to people when I attend the meetings (aka networking), and (3) I had created a goals & accountability group for solopreneurs. At our second technology Meetup, I invited three of the folks I had met to join my accountability group, and they did. After our accountability group had met a couple of times, Greg invited me to join his coaches coaching coaches group. 

When you show up, you make room for good things to happen. I met Diana, my new coaching partner, in that coaching group. Here’s why it’s such a big deal for me. I had been struggling with always working alone, and all of the sudden there she was - another quirky bird just like me (but different in really important ways). Someone who works from the same heart space that I do – helping people own their unique brilliance. Now we’re getting ready to launch our podcast, Uniquely Brilliant, in a couple of weeks. Yep. We are women who like to make things happen AND we get to work together on a regular basis. What a gift for me!

This week, somebody pretty much forced me to show up, and I’m glad she did. I had decided that I need a style update so that my outside matches my inside. So, I contacted Karen, a style guru that I know, and made an appointment to meet with her. Then I paid my bills. And freaked. And told Karen that I’d have to scale back on my plan. So I cancelled the appointment – or tried to. Instead of letting me cancel, Karen texted me back that I needed some retail therapy and to leave my wallet at home. So I did. I showed up. And experienced one of the most uplifting and amazing coaching sessions of my entire life.

Because I showed up, I learned a lot about style, about clothes, about making my outside match my inside, and how other people see me. And I also experienced being heard, being held accountable (thank you, Karen), and being supported in an endeavor where I felt baffled. I left feeling empowered to tweak some things so that I get even closer to showing people (not just clients) the full Becky.

So, come on, take a risk. Make a commitment. Show up. At that work meeting, at that networking event, at that dinner, that club meeting, that church group, that class you’ve always wanted to take. Take the first step and show up. Then show up again. And then say “Well, I’ve already shown up twice, I might as well show up again.”

When you show up, you create space where good things can happen. 

Just show up.

Stacey Lane on networking: How a Little Red Sports Car Led to Insider Information

From themuse.com: 3 Networking Questions You Should Always Ask

Click here for the video version of this post.

Becky
www.BeckyBerryCoach.com

If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going!

video version

Really, this cannot be happening…..

I saw these two quotes work their magic in my life this week. “If you’re going through hell, keep going,” from Winston Churchill and “When it hurts to look back, and you’re afraid to look ahead; look beside you and there are your friends.” 

I’ve had an insane couple of weeks. My son came home from summer work in Boston for my dad’s 80th birthday celebration. We had the party at my house, 85 of Dad’s friends - many of them over 80 themselves attended. It was awesome and exhausting. Dad had a blast. Then, on Wednesday before Ken heads back to Boston, I decide it’s time to lease a new car. So, we spend the day before he leaves at the dealership, negotiating the lease. Got an awesome VW Jetta. Hooray!! More on that later.

Ken takes off for Boston. While he’s on the road, he gets an email from his college saying he might not graduate next semester. What? College has not been a cakewalk, so this is a big blow. He calls me on Saturday, we talk about it, agonize over it, and he makes a plan – nothing much I can do except listen. Later that night during some lovely thunderstorms, my air conditioner goes out. 

Now, I live in Atlanta, and it’s really, really hot in Atlanta in August. Brutal. The only thing I can do is call my service people. We schedule an appointment for Monday to check it out. Monday. Yuck. It’s hot; it’s humid; no matter how many fans I have going, it’s miserable. So, I get no sleep for a couple of days. Again, nothing I can do about this, except wait and sweat. And, yes, it’s feeling kind of hellish in my house because it is hot!!

Monday morning dawns and I head out for a couple of appointments. I finish lunch and go to my car. Someone pulls in the space next to me, and I begin to back out of my space. She backs up a little to straighten the car in the space, and we hit each other. My brand new car! Passenger door is bashed in. I’m in shock. But what are you going to do? We did all the stuff you do, and made friends with each other (I love it when that happens), filed our insurance reports and I head back to my sweltering house.

Where the a/c repair people are due any minute. And, yes, you guessed it, major repairs required – including ordering a part to fix the a/c!! More delays. Less control. So what can I do but keep going? I write a little, talk to a potential client, leave the windows open, and say a prayer of thanks for a screened-in porch with a fan. Ken is making progress at school, then has a set back and still there’s nothing I can do to fix any of these things!

My particular definition of hell is being caught in several situations at once where I can’t do anything to influence the outcome. So, here I am stuck between a college, an air conditioning company, and car repairs. I know I have to keep going. I am so bummed about my car, I can’t even describe it. I’m a little fuzzy from lack of sleep, but I keep going. Because, you know, if I don’t keep moving, I’ll burn up!!

I find out Tuesday that the a/c repairs will happen on Wednesday. Of course, I have meetings scheduled on Wednesday. Luckily for me, the people I’m meeting with are friends and understand that down here, air conditioner repairs are critical events. They understand and are flexible on meeting times.

Finally (it feels like it’s been two weeks), the repair people come and repair the a/c and I head out to my meeting. As I’m sitting at a light at an intersection, someone hits my car again. Yep. Really. This time it’s on my side. I look next to me and someone’s car is smashed into in my door. I am in shock – I cannot believe this has happened – again!

I’ve only had this car 7 days and it’s been hit twice. I lose it for a minute. Then, a repeat of Monday. Exchange info, police, insurance. I text my son, a friend, and the person I’m supposed to be meeting with about what’s happened and they all respond – What? No way! And they all want to know what to do to help me. One is even ready to drive an hour to get to me if I need her!

I end up going to a friend’s house, cry a little, laugh a little, set up the repairs and realize what’s happened. I’ve been going through hell. I kept going. And, what got me through it was the friends by my side. Because I’ll be honest with you, it definitely hurt to look back and I was certainly afraid to look ahead. Instead I looked to my friends.

Think about your life. Have you ever been through a stretch of hell and just slogged through it with your friends by your side? That work friend who sees you’re swamped and asks if they can take something off your plate. Or that friend who calls out of the blue saying she’s bringing over a casserole, or taking your child to soccer, or asking you to a movie. There they are, escorting us through whatever we face. If we keep moving through the frustrations and the setbacks, we’ll get through them. And, when we’re scared of everything around us, our friends are there to anchor us.

If you’re going through hell, keep going.
When it hurts to look back and you’re afraid to look ahead; look beside you and there will be your friends.

PS: Ken returns to school for his final semester next week.

Click here for the video version of this post.

Becky
www.BeckyBerryCoach.com

it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are

Click here for the video version of this post.

When this appeared in my inbox, it resonated with me. It is so hard to become who you really are. Not who your parents and teachers told you should be. Not who people think you should be. Who you are.

It reminded me of one of my favorite podcast episodes from the Unmistakable Creative. In it Srini Rao talks with Elle Luna about her concept of the “crossroads of Should and Must.” Elle talks about two paths in life – Should and Must – and how we arrive at the place in our lives where they intersect over and over again. So, we are constantly faced with choosing between Should and Must. 

We all know what Should is – you’ve heard it your entire life. You should do this, you should act like this, you should take this job not that one – and on and on. 

But Must. Oh, my! Must is what the voice inside you is telling you that you have to do. Must is who you are. It’s what we know in our deepest and truest place that we have to do. Elle talks about how scary it can be to follow our Must. And yet….

Isn’t our Must who we really are if we strip away all the noise and advice? Doesn’t choosing our Must give us more power, more energy, more light?

And, hey, our Must isn’t necessarily some big, scary, world-changing idea.  Choosing our Must is living into ourselves.

Maybe your Must is working with struggling students, or knowing how to connect with customers in an authentic way, or, maybe it’s being able to help people feel great about themselves, or being the person who can create order out of chaos in a project, or the person who can explain how to organize that room, project, home, event. Or, maybe you are the person who can answer that tech question in a way that makes sense to someone who is struggling – without making them feel stupid.

I’m reaping the benefits of choosing my Must and becoming who I really am. I am an irreverent, bold, sometimes brash, out there kind of person who’s not afraid to jump into the next thing. I have ideas and opinions and I’m not afraid to share them – just ask the people who know me!

I don’t hide these facets of my personality because I finally own that the only way to attract the people I want to be around and to do the work I want to do is if I am fully myself.

My Must has always been helping people understand how wonderful they are and helping them figure out how to get to their next place. I can help you discover your Must and translate it into a career.

It all boils down to:  “it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”

Click here to go to The Unmistakable Creative Podcast with Elle Luna.

Click here for Elle Luna's Article: The Crossroads of Should and Must.

Becky
www.BeckyBerryCoach.com

Don't Let Perfect Get In the Way of Fabulous!

Video version here.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “Don’t let perfect get in the way of good enough.” I’ve never liked it. Good enough sounds like code for mediocre to me. 

So my sister and I reframed it as “Don’t let perfect get in the way of fabulous.” I tried it out on my friends at Mellow Mushroom (where I write) and they went crazy for “fabulous.” Like smiling and grinning and saying “that makes me feel great” crazy. Because, you know, fabulous is fabulous and “good enough” is - meh.

Fabulous isn’t perfect. Think about that time when you did something for your boss or co-workers and they went crazy over it. And you were standing there thinking, “What, this? It’s nothing, took 2 minutes. It’s not like it’s perfect or anything.” Ummm. Yep. It’s not perfect; it’s FABULOUS. It’s just what they needed, how they needed it, when they needed it. It’s not “good enough” – it’s head and shoulders above “good enough.” It’s fabulous. Fabulous makes them smile, it makes you smile, it’s a pat on the back.

Here’s how I look at it. If you put your best effort into your work it’s probably pretty good. Then you tweak it a couple of times and it becomes fabulous. It’s probably not perfect. It’s definitely not “good enough.” It’s probably fabulous. And fabulous, well, is fabulous.

Click here for a handy fabulous scale for you. 

Please, don’t let perfect get in the way of fabulous.

Selected articles on this topic:

From themuse.com: The Remarkable Power of Getting 1% Better

From Michael Hyatt: Escape Perfectionism Once and For All

From ADDitude: Memo to ADDers: Fix Your Workplace, Revive Your Career

Becky

www.BeckyBerryCoach.com

What would you try if you knew you couldn't fail?

Video version here.

What does it even take to move into that space? How could you start? 

What if you start by spending some time thinking about your dream career? Next, think about your passion and your skills and give yourself permission to explore what it would look like to combine them in your dream career. You could even jot down some notes.

Suppose you decide to embrace the possibilities and take a few steps toward that career. Picture yourself on your laptop or mobile, searching that job. How would that feel? I’ll bet it would feel good. And scary. It’s okay that it’s scary because you cannot fail. Close your eyes and picture the search results coming up on the screen – all those possibilities lined up right in front of your eyes.  I get chills just thinking about it.

Go ahead, try it! Get some search results in front of you. Then take the next tiny step. Click on one. Read it.  Take some notes. Write down what you like about the job. After that, write down what you don’t like. Match what they’re looking for to your skills. Look the job title up on LinkedIn and Glassdoor and take some notes. Then do it again with another job. How does it feel? Are you getting excited?

Are you finding differences in the job descriptions among companies? Do you feel like you are a better match for one job or company over another? Don’t forget that you can research the companies on LinkedIn and Glassdoor, too!

Create a mental picture of your dream job and company based on your research then write it down – creating your own job description. Have you found some interesting companies to look at? How do you feel about what you have learned? Do you have new insights? Jot them down.

Then, just for practice, write a cover letter to one of the companies. Tell them about your passion for the job. Tell them that this is your dream job.  Talk about why you want to work for them and why no other company will do. Match your mission to theirs.  Talk about how your skills/experience match up to the job specs. 

Don't worry if you don’t match 100%.  50% is enough!!  You’ll need to quiet the chorus in your head that’s saying “I’m not a perfect match” to do this part. Trust me, 50% is enough (that’s a post for another day). 

Next, read the letter out loud and see how it feels to say out loud how much you want that job.

Finally, write a résumé for the job – just to check how close you are to being ready to apply for your dream job. Use it to create a plan to keep moving towards it.

If you are ready (50% gets you there), go for it. Spend some time exploring if you know anybody at the company, or if you know somebody who knows somebody (also known as checking your network on LinkedIn). Apply. Assume you cannot fail.

If you’re not ready yet, move forward using the job description and resume you created as your plan.

What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

Becky
www.BeckyBerryCoach.com

Everything You Want Is On the Other Side of Fear

See the video here.

I’ve talked about leaping to your next destination and escaping your problems by solving them and detours still getting you there. But we all know that there is an elephant in the room that’s blocking our way forward – and that elephant’s name is FEAR. Fear keeps us tied up tight, unable to move.

Fear of the unknown, fear of making a mistake, fear of failing, fear of success, fear of not being prepared, of being too old or too old, fear of not being good enough, fear of not having enough, fear of letting yourself down, fear of letting others down, fear that there’s not enough time, fear that there’s not enough money, fear that there’s just not enough of you.

How can we even start to move through those fears? What if we named our fears by writing them down? Naming them can weaken their power over us. Go ahead; write down every one of your fears. Wrestle them down onto paper or onto your phone/laptop/tablet. Look at those fears in the light of day. Illustrate them – tell a story about them. Take your time and get up close and personal with them.

Then, pick 1. Not the biggest, scariest one. We’re taking little steps here! We’re working on learning the process. Write that fear down, draw it out, type it up, print it out. Write down the specifics of what you’re afraid of.

I’ll share some of my fears. What if I write something and nobody likes it or shares it? Will they ever read anything else I write? What if I make a mistake with a client? Will they still want to work with me? Remember – not the biggest and scariest fear – yet.

Then, share your fear with the person you trust the most. Ask them what they think about your fear. Listen silently to what they have to say. Then repeat what they said back to them so you can feel their words coming out of your mouth. How did that feel? Did you learn something? Did you gain an insight on dealing with your fear?

Hold on to that insight, write it down, and figure out what your friend knows about you that you don’t. 

Use that input to loosen the knots that keep you tied down and start to move through your fear.  See what it feels like to be on the other side of fear.

Then do it again.

Becky
www.BeckyBerryCoach.com

The Best Way to Escape From Problem Is To Solve It

Watch the video here.

Have you ever been stuck in a career you didn't like?  

I have a client who found herself with that problem - more like several clients. She was in a career that she had invested a lot of time and effort in and it didn't fit anymore. So, she tried all those "improve your work situation" tips. They didn’t work. 

She decided that her solution to being stuck in career that didn't work for her was to make a plan to leave. Her plan started with coaching. She entered coaching feeling badly about herself. She even questioned her competence at work – and she was beyond competent. 

She completed her assessments, learned about herself, examined her values, updated her goals, and explored her options. During the process she re-discovered her amazing self – the one that had been trampled flat in her current career. She decided she wanted to pursue her passion in her next career. 

She's still working her plan. And she finds the path easier because of the work she's done. Her values. Her goals. Her talents and skills. How to combine them to find a fulfilling career.

She's escaping the problem of a career that no longer works for her by solving it.

How can you solve the problem of a dead-end career? First, you could get re-acquainted with your values and goals. Then, take a good look at your talents and skills. Think about how you would like to use them at work - particularly if you don’t get to use them now! Next, brainstorm with somebody about the careers you’ve always wanted – they might even have ideas you’ve never thought of! Finally, research some of those careers (and companies, too) and identify what you steps you can take to escape your problem by moving towards that new career. 

If you’d like some coaching on your escape plan, I’m here for you.

Click here to go to “Why You Should Never Miss an Opportunity to Be Fabulous with Tina Seelig” episode from the Unmistakable Creative podcast.

Becky
www.beckyberrycoach.com

Leap And the Net Will Appear

View the video here.

Here's how I like to think about this saying. "Leap like a trapeze artist and your net will appear.”  Have you ever noticed how trapeze artists never look down when they're jumping?  They just leap from one place to the other, trusting that they're going to be okay. They know where they’re going. 

How can they leap like that? They’ve practiced; they’ve worked; they’ve developed skills by using them over and over and over again. And they know that their practice and their skills will get them where they want to go when they leap. They know that they have created their own nets, so they don’t need to look down! They keep their eyes fixed on their destination.

You know, the same thing is true for you. When you get ready to make that next leap to a new job or a new career, everything that you've done leading up to that moment - the skills you've developed, the experience you’ve gained; the connections you’ve made; your supporters - all of that goes with you. All of that makes the net that you created. You can trust that net because you created it. So, when you're ready, leap like a trapeze artist and the net you created will be there.

So, if you’re ready to take that leap, or you’re even thinking about leaping, try this. Make a list of your dream careers, and then make a list of the skills you need to get to that career. Then make a list of your own skills. Compare the two lists. See if you're at 50%. If you're at 50%, go for it! I promise 50% is enough! And, if you're not at 50% yet, think about what it will take to get there. Do you need to change jobs? Do you need to even change careers to get the skills to get to your ultimate career? 

That’s okay. You’re ready. You’ve created your net, trust that net, trust your ultimate destination. Make that first small leap. Put yourself on your way to your dreams.

Leap like a trapeze artist, keeping your eyes on your destination, and your net will appear.

If you’d like some help along the way, I love to help people identify their next career destinations, find their nets, and support them as they leap.

Becky
www.beckyberrycoach.com

Detours still get you there

View the video here.

Are you nodding your head, thinking – oh, yeah, I’ve taken some detours!? Maybe you're like me. You’ve had more than one job in your life, maybe even more than one career (stay at home parents, anyone?).  Are you trying to figure out what’s next and you're just not sure? Maybe you’ve had one job with one company for a long time and you just have this creeping feeling that this just isn't right for you anymore.

Do you think you’ve wasted tooo much time? I doubt it. During your work life you’ve learned skills, and, you’ve acquired an encyclopedia of knowledge about what you like and don’t like in your work environment. You’ve learned about the types of people you like to work with, the kinds of projects you enjoy, how much time you want to spend at the office. Do you even like working in an office? Maybe you’ve learned project management (in its many disguises) or coding or ninja customer service skills. Maybe you’ve learned about managing people.

What happens when you decide to look for some other work? You take all of that learning and all of those skills with you. As a matter of fact, you don’t just take that info with you; you use it to figure out what you want to do next. 

So, how do people do it? Here’s a story. One of my clients has always dreamed of living and working abroad. She’s been on a pretty standard career track. She took a job in sales right after college. While she was working she met and married her husband. Then, she had a family, stayed at home, volunteered, and then re-entered the workforce after going to grad school to learn to teach. She taught for over 10 years, then decided teaching children wasn’t what she wanted to do anymore, so she left her job and called me. Together we’ve explored all types of careers – training, teaching at a wildlife park, other things. Then - whoo-hoo - she called me one day and said, “I’m going to explore teaching English to adults in other countries!!” She returned to her original dream job – her ultimate destination and she’s going for it!

How can you do the same thing? What if you think about the part of your work that you love - those things that you get so excited about you can’t wait to get home and tell somebody about it? You tell them you did all this work and you loved it, you felt alive, you didn’t even feel like you were working! Make a list of those things you love and like to do at work and use them as an outline to define your next job or career destination. 

Detours still get you there, and, you get to choose your destination.

If you’d like some help along the way, I'd love to help you use your detours to get to your next destination.

Quit Before a Year? Here's What to Know

11 Best Career Quizzes to Find Your Dream Career

Becky
www.beckyberrycoach.com

You have the answer

"At the center of your being you have the answer: you know who you are and you know what you want.” Lao Tzu

So I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to write about. I type the sentence “This is why I love being a career coach” and stop. I walk around the house, reading all my fridge magnets, cut out quotes, magnets on a board upstairs, pages of calendars I’ve saved - looking for something that says why I love coaching more eloquently than I can. And there it is: the Lao Tzu quote that says it all.

I love coaching because I get to help people find their centers, name who they are, and identify where they want to go. So many of my clients come to me overwhelmed, tied up in knots, exhausted, convinced they are somehow wrong – about their lives, their jobs, their careers – and we talk. We just talk – I listen to what they say. I’ve been around a lot – had multiple careers, owned businesses, worked with lots of different types of people. I filter what they are saying through my experience and – this is one of my gifts – I start building them up. I cut through that overwhelming noise in their heads and help them gain clarity.

I point out their talents and skills and explain how those talents and skills have value in the world. I never fake it – it’s way too important to fake. I talk about how we can create strategies to overcome any obstacles they face. And, the vast majority of the time, my clients slowly sit up straighter, their faces relax, their voices relax, and they realize it’s not hopeless. They begin to feel hopeful about their future.

This is where the work starts - in a place where people feel hope, where they begin to understand they do have the answers to their own questions. This is my favorite place. This is why I coach.

Becky
www.beckyberrycoach.com