Look at the world through someone else's eyes.

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Have you ever tried to convince somebody that your way is the right way to look at something? That your way to analyze a situation, write a report, answer the phone, leave a message, conduct a meeting, work on a project is the best way? What would change if you switched your perspective and looked through their eyes?

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a client (let’s call her Sandra) about this very topic. Sandra was concerned that her daughter, Amy, never has clean clothes because she refuses to do her laundry. So, like a good mom of a child (of any age) with ADD, she helped her daughter create a strategy to get the laundry done. It was a well-developed strategy, just 7 steps, including sorting and temperature selection directions.

As Sandra and I chatted about this, I pictured Amy standing in the middle of her room, clothes everywhere, staring at the list of 7 steps to do laundry successfully. Then I pictured her turning around, walking out the door, and going to get a snack. I could imagine her brain just thrashing around, going “There’s no way I can do this right. I can’t even think. I’m leaving.” She was frozen, unable to do something she really wanted to do (because she really likes having clean clothes). 

What happened? Amy looked at that list and was overwhelmed. It didn’t matter that she could just start by picking up her clothes. When she held that list in her hand and looked at it, Amy knew there was no way she could even wash one load successfully, so her brain shut down (this is a real neurological thing in the brains of people with ADD and Asperger’s Syndrome) and she hit a virtual brick wall. 

So, Sandra and I created a new strategy – with no sorting requirements. Here it is (1) gather clothes (2) load a bunch into washer (3) add a detergent pod and a Color Catcher (to catch colors that bleed) (4) start the machine. Repeat as necessary. 

And it worked. Why did it work? Because Sandra looked at the situation from her daughter’s perspective instead of her own. Once she pictured the confusion Amy must have felt when confronted with all those steps, Sandra was able to pare down the strategy to something that Amy could do.

Once Mom recognized that the brick wall was not stubbornness, but something that really occurs in Amy’s brain when she is overwhelmed, she figured out a way around the wall. Sandra has learned what parents, friends, and co-workers of people with ADD have learned, you cannot break through the wall. If you want to help someone get past the wall, first you have to understand that you (and your friend) cannot break through the wall. You must switch your perspective and help figure out a way around the wall.

So, after a few conversations, Sandra (and her husband) have practiced and refined their ability to look at the world through their daughter’s eyes. It’s working.

By the way, when you learn to look at the world through someone else’s eyes it changes your approach to every situation.

Take the scenic route, look at the world through someone else’s eyes.

Slideshow: My 10 Secrets to Staying Sane Even with ADHD

Article: Managing Adult ADHD: The 5 Rules Adults with ADHD Should Live By

Video: TED Talk: You can grow new brain cells

Becky Berry, Career Coach
www.BeckyBerryCoach.com